The Madagascar Penguins in a Christmas Caper with Woody and Buzz!
by woodybuzzmiles
Summary: When Private gets taken by Nana, who thinks he is Mr. Chew's chew toy for Christmas Eve, it's up to Skipper, Kowalski, Woody, and Buzz to rescue him. All rights reserved from Pixar and DreamWorks.
1. Chapter 1 - Christmas Eve, 1800 Hours

_Christmas Eve, 1800 Hours_

It was a snowy night, and the Central Park Zoo was decorated for the holidays. The white snow blankets the entire zoo, and the animal enclosures. At the Penguins' enclosure, a periscope pops out from under the head of a snowman perched on top of the habitat. It shows the animals bubbling the excitement for Christmas Day to come, except for Ted, a polar bear, who sighs gloomily.

Inside the Penguins HQ, Private is looking through the telescope, Buzz Lightyear and Skipper are standing in front of a huge schedule, Woody is helping Kowalski pounding down fish to wrap, on the table and Rico is standing in front of a block of ice. "He looks so sad." Private said.

"Rico. I want that tree up to muster." Skipper, the leader of the penguins, addressed. Rico whips out two knives and, in one lightning fast move, he begins to carve the ice into a Christmas tree.

"Whoa, that's one fast chopper." Buzz said, clearly awestruck.

"I agree with you, Buzz." Skipper said. "Kowalski, Woody! What's the status on the approved musical selection?"

Kowalski checks his watch and said, "Scheduled to begin…."

"…now!" Woody and Kowalski finished in unison. The radio begins to play Christmas music.

"Catchy tune that radio's got." Woody queried.

"Excelente. Right on track." Skipper said, as Rico finishes his work.

"Skipper!" Private called out. Skipper continued, "Making pudding at 1900 hrs. Yule log to commence on my mind. Engage!"

Kowalski clicks on the TV remote, and a picture of a flaming yule log appears on the television screen. "Yule log engaged."

"That was cool." Woody said, referring to the yule log on the TV.

"I know, great, huh?" Kowalski said.

"Check-a-mundo!" Skipper said.

"Skipper?" Private asked as Rico swam behind the window panes.

"Eggnog at 21:00 hrs. Writing our names in the snow at 21:05." Skipper continued.

"Skipper!" Private called out.

"What is it, Private?"

"Ted the bear's all alone on this holiday, and he seems so sad. Can't we bring him a present to cheer him up?"

"He's right, Skipper, if we can just bring him a simple present, Ted won't be gloomy anymore." Buzz replied to Skipper.

"Kowalski?"

Kowalski uses his abacus, and said, "Negative, Skipper and Buzz, we got six presents, and there are six of us.

"Yeah, if we give Ted one of our presents, none of us will unwrap these fish tomorrow." Woody said, referring to the number of presents.

"We can go and get him something." Private replied.

"Sorry, Private, no can do." Skipper said dismissively.

"But no one should be sad and alone on Christmas." Private said.

"Yeah, Skipper, Christmas is a holiday where people are jolly." Buzz added.

"Exactly. So throw those troubles away and be marry, pronto." Skipper said.

"But, Skipper…." Private protested.

"That's an order, mister." Skipper clarified. "All right, boys, stand by for eggnog." He brings out a carton of eggnog.

"Aye, aye, Skipper." Kowalski and Woody replied in unison. As they slam hammers on each fish, Rico pops up. "EGGNOOOOOG!"

"Private?" Skipper asked.

"I'll pass, thank you." Private said gloomily. At the same time, Private gets out his Gloria piggy bank, dumps out a quarter in his flipper, and he sneaks through the walls over to the fish plaque, while Skipper, Kowalski, Woody, and Buzz are chanting "Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!" Skipper pours the eggnog through a red funnel Kowalski is holding. As Rico gulps down the holiday drink, Skipper said, "That guy can really hold his nog."

Private opens the fish plaque door, and he exits through it out to the city.

Later, the penguins' wall clock's hands land on 9:10. "2100 hours, boys." Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, Woody, and Buzz are getting situated for a Christmas dinner, consisting of fish. "Engage cranberries." Rico plays the knife game with a plastic knife. "Rico! Not at the table."

"Wait a second, something's missing." Skipper said.

"Cranberries, check." Kowalski queried.

"Eggnog, check." Woody clarified.

"Give me a headcount." Skipper said.

Kowalski uses his abacus again, and said, "We got 5 heads, sir."

"Where's the Private?!" Skipper asked.

"Unknown, sir." Kowalski said, tossing the abacus aside. "It would appear that he's..."—turns the eggnog carton to show a picture of Private—"….missing."

"Missing?" Skipper exclaimed.

"Missing? That's horrible." Woody said.

"I hear ya, Woody. Missing means lost." Buzz said.

"Hoover dam!" Skipper said. "Wait, there he is." He goes over to the penguin bunks, and something was underneath a green blanket. "He just went to bed." Skipper uncovers the blanket, revealing a bowling pin. "What the-!" He exclaimed. Skipper slaps the bowling pin. "What have you done with Private? Talk, mister."

Kowalski motioned to the open door and the hole where Private went. "Skipper, over here!"

"I'll deal with you later." Skipper said, slapping the bowling pin one more time. Woody and Buzz couldn't help but snicker.

"Oh, no. He must be out there all by himself." Kowalski said.

"He's one of us, men. You all know the penguin credo." Skipper replied confidently.

"Never bathe in hot oil in Bisquick?" Kowalski asked.

"No."

Rico speaks unintelligibly.

"No, that's a walrus credo. It's 'never swim alone'. Private's out there all by himself, and we never leave one of our own." Skipper explained to his troop.

"Skipper's right, it's our job to make sure that us penguins always stick together." Woody replied.

"You're right, Woody, we are all in this together. But right now, we have a mission to get underway."

"Buzz's right. Now let's go!" Skipper said.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Woody and Buzz are anthropomorphic penguins in this story, and I assure you, I am making this up with my imaginations._


	2. Chapter 2 - Nana Purchases Private

Later, out in the snowy New York, Private peeks behind a building, and the coast was clear. He walks out. The city was bubbling with Christmas excitement. He is trying to find a present for Ted. "Oh, that's perfect just the thing for a sad polar bear." He walks over to a stand filled with Christmas stuff, and Private is in complete awe.

At the same time, Woody, Buzz, Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico pop up of a manhole cover, and jump out from it. "Kowalski, analysis."

Kowalski tastes the snow with flipper imprints. "Adrenaline sweating sardines, these tracks are fresh, sir."

"He's close. I can feel it." Skipper said.

The 5 penguins peek out from the corner of the building. Rico hands Kowalski a pair of high-tech binoculars, and take a closer look at Private, as a short lady named Nana walked up to the stand. "What kind of cut-rate junk is this? This lousy workmanship is one of this."

"We may have a problem." Kowalski said.

Nana begins tearing up some of the toys. "Junk! These are no good at all! JUNK!" She shouted as Private attempted to hide.

"Tearing up unpurchased toys? That means one thing: naughty list." Buzz said.

"I agree with you, Buzz." Woody said.

"We need to get closer. Ten o'clock, men." Skipper advised. "Blend, blend. Blend." The 5 penguins walk behind a single-file line of nuns. They hide behind a trash can. Skipper looks through the binoculars, and the green scope glimpses Nana stretching Private.

"Ha! So this is where you're hiding all the good stuff." Nana said.

"He's in trouble!" Skipper said. Rico regurgitates a stick of TNT and a lit matchstick. "Kaboom." Rico said trembling with maniacal excitement.

"Stand down soldier." Skipper said. "We're in observation mode." Rico slumps. Nana examines Private, thinking that he's a "toy". "Now, this is workmanship. So where's the gosh-darn squeaker on this thing? It's gotta have a squeaker." Nana squeezes Private, and he farts in her ear. "Now, that's more like it. Hey, stupid! I found this one." The penguins are horrified as Private is put in a bag. "Grand Coulee Dam! Private's been captured."

"We gotta save our friend!" Woody said.

"TAXI!" A yellow cab drives up, and Nana gets inside it. "Not on my watch, blue hair! Kowalski!" Skipper said. Kowalski sets down a trash can lid, and Rico clips a rope with a hook on the back bumper. As the taxi drives off, the lid carries the penguins down the street, sending up sparks.

The taxi drives up to a penthouse, and the penguins lean over to the side, and they go up a mound of snow. As they get off, they twirl through the air, and slide on their chests through the snow. They hide behind a snowman.

"I got a tip for you! Drop dead!" Nana said. She closes the door and the short old geezer walks to the door. An amiable doorman greeted Nana, "Good evening ma'am. Merry Christmas to you."

"BUZZ OFF!" Nana yelled. She socks the doorman to the ground, and Nana enters the penthouse.

"The way that woman punched the doorman, that was just plain old rude and mean. He was just trying to greet her, but Nana greeted her by socking him. That is no way to treat a certain somebody who is friendly." Woody said, disappointed by the woman's behavior.

"I agree with you. That lady's gonna need to think of a friendlier way to greet somebody." Buzz said, also disappointed.

"Skipper, how are we gonna get inside?" Kowalski asked. Rico lights the fuse on the red dynamite. "Kaboom! Kaboom! Ahahaha!"

"I got a better idea." Skipper said, snuffing out the fuse, and Rico groans sadly. Woody and Buzz comfort Rico. "Don't worry, Rico. You'll get a chance to use the dynamite. I promise." Woody reassured.

"He's right, Rico. You will have ample opportunity to use it. Right now, Rico, buck up and let's get Private." Buzz replied.

The doorman gets up, and brushed some snow off his red jacket. "Oy, that's gotta hurt." He groaned. The doorman straightens his hat, and he sees the snowman, with Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, Woody, and Buzz inside it. The doorman looks a bit hesitant to react, and the snowman holds up a dollar, awaiting for an answer.

"Very generous, sir." The doorman said, taking the dollar. "You have a merry Christmas!"

Once they're inside, Nana approaches an elevator. Skipper said, "Hold that elevator!"

"Skipper!" Private called out.

"Private!" Skipper shouted out. "Step on it, Kowalski." Nana enters the elevator, pressing the 13 button. They try to make it, but the doors close, and the snowman crumbles to the floor. The penguins shake the snow off their heads, and the elevator arrow turns to floor 13. They try to think, but they see a mail duct, with envelopes coming down. "What comes down must go up." Skipper replied.

"Skipper." Kowalski motions to a shop vacuum in a janitor's closet. Using that and the mail duct, they can use it as a makeshift elevator. "All right, men. Commence Operation: Special Delivery."

Kowalski plugs in the cord, and Rico turns the vacuum to 'reverse.' Kowalski and Skipper put stamps on each other's chests. As for Woody and Buzz, they put stamps on each other too. Rico flips Skipper and Kowalski into the vacuum top. Clutching his hat tightly, Woody is flipped into the vacuum, along with Buzz. Rico quickly puts a stamp on his chest, and flips into the vacuum, and they ride up, like a high speed elevator.

As Nana exits the elevator, the penguins burst out of the upper mail opening. As they land on the floor, they walk over to Nana's apartment, but she's already closed the door, and she locked it up.

"Shitake mushrooms! No more mister cute and cuddly." Skipper said.

"Kaboom, KABOOM, KABOOM! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Rico jabbered, getting out the dynamite and match.

"Rico, enough with the dynamite already." Skipper chided. Rico slumps as he put the dynamite away.


	3. Chapter 3 - Operation: Stocking Stuffer

Inside Nana's penthouse, a TV is playing. Nana is now wrapping Private up with red gift ribbons. Her dog, Mr. Chew, is yapping with anticipation. "Why does Christmas have to be every year?" She puts a bow on Private's head, and he puts a label on Private's chest. It reads:

 ** _TO: MR. CHEW_**

 ** _FROM: MOMMY_**

"You'll make such a nice Christmas present for my Mr. Chew." Nana said. She picks up Private and puts him in a stocking with Mr. Chew's name on it. "Now, Mr. Chew, you have to wait until morning to open your present. Yes you do. Who's Mommy's big boy? Who is he?" she cooed.

Mr. Chew changes his cute personality to his vicious, aggressive personality. He picks up a worn Alex the Lion plush toy, and shakes it, until the head comes off, while the body's neck remains with stuffing. Private is truly fearful, and the angry dog jumps forward, catching himself onto the bottom of the stocking. He bites his way up to Private. "Nice doggy! Good doggy! Good boy! Down, down! Don't eat me! Don't eat me! AAAAAAHHHHH!"

Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, Woody, and Buzz swing through a window, and strike karate poses. "Santa Claus has come town!"

"Oh, Skipper!" Private said, relieved.

Mr. Chew yanks on the stocking, sending Private flying as he screams. He flips through the air as the 5 penguins see him land on the Christmas tree; one of the red ribbons get caught on the star on top. "Help me, guys!" he cried.

"Kowalski! Woody! Buzz! Secure the Private!" Skipper advised.

"We're on it!" Kowalski replied.

Mr. Chew barks at the penguins viciously. "Quadruped canine! Two o' clock!" Skipper said.

"We're gonna need some cover fire!" Kowalski said, running to the Christmas tree.

"Rico?"

Rico flips a bowl and catches peppermints in his mouth. He tips the table forward, launching the glass bowl out of sight. Skipper uses Rico like a gun. Cocking his flipper, he shoots the mints at Mr. Chew, but he dodges the fire.

"Fellas! Status!" Skipper called out.

"Almost there, Skipper!" Kowalski said, as he, Buzz and Woody are getting closer to Private.

Rico runs out of peppermints. Skipper cocks his flipper again, but there's no more ammunition. Mr. Chew charges at them again, and Skipper and Rico join the others on the tree. The vicious dog pulls on the Christmas lights with his teeth, pulling the tree forward.

"Let him have it, Rico!" Skipper said. Rico tosses ornaments down to the dog. One hits Mr. Chew on the head, and he lets go of the lights. The force of the tree standing straight again catapults Private off the treetop, slipping out of the red gift wrap and bow.

Nana bangs on the TV, and the scrambling screen comes normal again. As Nana watches football, Private flies over her head and into a dark kitchen. He crashes through Christmas dinner contents. As Private comes out of the room, a roasted chicken is wedged onto his head.

"Holy butterball!" Skipper exclaimed.

Mr. Chew begins chasing Private around. "Ah, guys! Guys! Don't eat me!"

"Kowalski! Give me options!" Skipper said, determined.

Kowalski jots down a plan on a notepad.

"That's it: we'll create a diversion to launch Mr. Chew into that stocking!" Woody said.

"You know, I think you're right! I'm sure we can do that!" Buzz said.

"Excellente. Engage Operation: Stocking Stuffer!" Skipper said.

Skipper slides down the ribbon with a candy cane. He drops to the floor and whistles to get Mr. Chew's attention. Skipper uses the candy cane to hop in the air and slips it under Mr. Chew's collar. Mr. Chew runs into a ribbon, with Buzz and Rico on one end, Woody and Kowalski on the other end. He goes flying, hits the Christmas tree and the tree leans above Nana's head, and the tree lurches forward, sending Mr. Chew into his stocking. Rico hops on his head, and joins him on the floor with the guys. Nana was unaware of what happened.

"High five, low five, down low, too slow!" Skipper said as they give the penguins high-fives. Woody and Buzz give their flippers high-fives too. "I think our work here is done."

The penguins walk to the door. They stop short as they see Rico about to drop an anvil on Nana.

"Rico! She didn't see anything." Skipper said. Rico drops the anvil with a loud clang. He joins the others.

"Let's blow this popsicle stand, boys." Skipper said.

"That statement means one thing: it's time to head back home." Woody replied.

Rico gets out the dynamite and match. "Kaboom?"

"Yes, Rico. Kaboom." Skipper added.

The dynamite explodes around the door, creating a large gaping hole in the wall. The door falls down.

"C'mon boys." Skipper said. They slide on their chests for a bit, then waddle toward the exit. Unbeknownst to them, Nana squeals and angrily marches to Mr. Chew, surveying the mess. "What is all this? Mr. Chew, this is all your fault!"

The Christmas tree falls down.

"Bad dog! You are on a big timeout!"


	4. Chapter 4 - Back Home for the Holidays

Later, the six penguins are now walking back to the zoo. They're nearly home.

"Thanks for rescuing me, Skipper. You two, Woody and Buzz." Private said, happy to be reunited with his friends.

"Thank nothing of it, young Private." Skipper said.

"Our pleasure, Private. It's good that you're back with us, safe and sound." Woody said.

"Yeah. You're welcome, Private." Buzz said.

"Woody and Buzz are right; it's the least we can do. You remember the penguin credo." Skipper replied.

"What does deep frying in Bisquick have to do with any of this?" Private asked.

"Well, you know, Private, about that, it's kind of a long story." Woody said.

"He's right. Long story indeed." Buzz said.

"Not that one! The other one: never swim alone! Alone! On Christmas! Don't you get it?" Skipper said, a little agitated. "Come on, people, do I have to explain this to everybody?"

"Poor Ted. He's all alone on Christmas, with no one to swim with." Private said, slumping.

Skipper understands Private's feelings. "It's not too late, young Private.

"I think we're gonna come up with a plan to fit him in." Woody said.

* * *

Later,, back in the Penguin HQ, the penguins, along with Ted are now celebrating Christmas. They're all sipping drinks and wearing Santa hats.

"You guys! Seriously, this is the best Christmas I've ever had." Ted said, happy.

"Well, there it is then. Merry Christmas to everybody. You too, Woody and Buzz." Skipper said.

"Thanks." Woody and Buzz said in unison.

The doorbell rings outside.

"What the-? Who could that be?" Skipper asked suspiciously.

"Oh. I hope you don't mind. I invited a few friends over." Ted replied.

"WHAT?!" Skipper shouted.

* * *

Outside, the animals sing a song honoring Christmas.

 ** _Jingle Bells, monkey smells_**

 ** _Melman laid an egg_**

 ** _Marty thinks that Alex stinks_**

 ** _And the camels say 'Oy Vey!'_**


	5. Cast

_Tom McGrath - Skipper_

 _Chris Miller – Kowalski_

 _Tom Hanks – Woody_

 _Tim Allen – Buzz Lightyear_

 _John DiMaggio - Rico_

 _Christopher Knights - Private_

 _Elisa Gabrielli - Nana, the Old Lady_

 _Bill Fagerbakke - Ted the Polar Bear_

 _Sean Bishop - Doorman / TV Announcer_


End file.
